


She knew the most important thing of all

by Valerion



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:00:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23265094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valerion/pseuds/Valerion
Summary: Clarke and Madi finally have the opportunity to rest after their ordeal on the Eligius ship, they head to the Workman tavern, where Delilah's parents still live.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	She knew the most important thing of all

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what this is, it started as a completely different fic, post mount weather kind of story, but it quickly morphed from there, i guess i always wanted an outsider perspective on this whole shtick.  
> This is the first fic i write, constructive criticism is appreciated, id like to write some more, a lot more, but i guess we'll see how that goes. I just sat at my desk and this came out.
> 
> This is set before Bellamy and Octavia go to the anomaly.

Clarke was weary,

A bone deep fatigue that pervaded her being. If it were not for Madi held close in her arms, she suspects she would have long ago fallen asleep. She couldn’t though, not yet. Not until she made sure her daughter was finally safe.  
She almost snorted at the thought, as she carded her fingers through Madi’s hair and hummed. There is no true safety to be found on earth or even among the stars it seemed.  
There had been happiness though, in Eden, even while scrounging for food and supplies, even while fighting off the beasts that had managed to survive the apocalypse. They had been wild and free, and happy.  
She clung to those memories and held Madi tighter. She’d settle for having her daughter finally rest.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Madi was Exhausted,

She had been tired before, but never like this. It was as if a sort of lethargy had settled over her mind. Her body was buzzing with energy, still too raw from the events of the past few days.  
And yet her mind was tired, she could barely make sense of all that had transpired. She did not try. After all, she knew the most important thing of all.  
Her mother was alive. She was alive and it was magnificent. The grief that had seeped into her every conscious or unconscious thought had made way for nothing less than radiant joy.  
They had collapsed onto the bed as soon as Delilah’s mother had ushered them through to Clarke’s old room. Madi had tucked her head in the crook of Clarke’s neck, her ear resting on her mother’s beating heart, soothed by the steady, if slightly accelerated rhythmic thumping of this most precious of organs.  
Quickly, a warmth that she had thought she had lost fell over her. Madi gave a deep sigh and felt herself finally relax her tense muscles under her mother’s ministrations, fingers deftly traversing through her hair in time with the quiet humming that Clarke knew would inevitably lull her to sleep.  
Tomorrow would be a brighter, better day. No more Flame, no more Sheidheda, or any Hedas of any kind. She was just Madi, and that was just fine.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke felt Madi slowly slipping into what she hoped was a dreamless sleep, her breath evened out, her grip on Clarke’s shirt slackened. Slowly, gently Clarke disentangled herself from her daughter, lifting her only enough to slip out a blanket from under her prone form and used it to cover her child. Madi snuggled into the soft fabric as she let out a soft sigh in her sleep. 

Clarke stood next to the bed and as she looked down in wonder at her daughter’s face, a surge of affection and boundless love coursed through her. She bent down and pressed a long kiss to Madi’s forehead, breathing in her scent.  
And yet… Clarke could not bring herself to rest. For in the wake of her emotions seethed a quiet rage, she was growing more agitated with every moment that passed. She felt the anger in the back of her mind and it would not be denied. 

She donned her black leather jacket, strapped her knife to her thigh and headed out, silently closing the door. She had barely taken a few steps away from the room before she was gripped by a sense of dread, she wasn’t sure she could leave Madi, even asleep. She wasn’t even sure how long it would take before she would let the girl out of her sight, awake or not.

Clarke steeled herself and decide that she would go no further than the bar, after all, the only access to her room was through there and she would just have to remain vigilant. 

She made her way down the stairs and the sight she beheld sent flash of pure fury coursing through her. Here they sat, the Space Kru. Her so called friends, people she had fought and bled for, people she had quite literally burned for.  
Bellamy and Echo sat near each other, fingers intertwined, speaking in hushed tones. Raven and Emori were trying to figure out how to remove the mind drives. She and Murphy had suddenly become averse to having a piece of malignant hardware embedded in their spines (Cowards, they held their tongue when the Flame was implanted into her baby girl), especially now that there were doubts as to Sheidheda’s survival, and even his location. Murphy sat slumped in his chair, almost dazed, his demeanor contrasting sharply with the gaudiness and finery of his clothing. 

Their conversation fell silent as they slowly turned and directed their gaze at her. Bellamy gave her a tentative smile, and it was all she could do to restrain herself from beating him to a pulp. He must have had an inkling of what went on in her mind, for his smile dropped, and he slowly came to the realization that all was not as well as he thought between him and Clarke. 

She walked past them with barely a glance and settled herself at the bar, she rested her elbows on the porous wood and held her head in her hands, closing her eyes. She tried to calm herself, with little success. Her erstwhile family evidently felt disgruntled by her cold demeanor judging by their grumbling and it only infuriated her more. She wanted them to hurt. She wanted to maim them, to hear them scream and beg for her mercy and forgiveness. Most of all, she wanted to deny them that mercy, much less her forgiveness. Those were precious commodities she had so little of left these days.

However, now was not the time, there was much to be done. So, ever logical, she kept silent, but she could not for the life of her figure out how to interact with them without everything spewing out of her.  
As she slowly lifted her eyes, Blythe Ann met her gaze, and quirked an eyebrow at her. Clearly, the woman was less than impressed that Clarke was still decidedly not resting. There was an edge of concern there as well. This was a woman who had lost her daughter twice, the first time only a few days prior, the second when the Sanctumites had exacted their revenge on her walking corpse. She knew the pain of loss and empathized with the loss of Abby. It was what lead her to bundle Madi and Clarke into their room as soon as she saw them, beaten down and coming apart at the seams. 

With a huff, she made her way to the stubborn woman until she stood in front of her, separated by the bar.  
“You should be sleeping.” She admonished.  
The blonde had the decency to look sheepish. “It’s ok, I just wanted to get Madi to bed” she deflected.  
Blythe Ann rolled her eyes and busied herself behind the bar for a few seconds all the while muttering about stubborn people and how they can’t take care of anyone if they don’t take care of themselves, and really, she doesn’t know why she bothers sometimes.

Clarke had closed her eyes again to try and center herself, only to pop them open again at the feeling of a tray being shoved into her bony forearms. With a yelp she drew her arms back and the barkeep firmly placed the tray into her arms.  
“There’s some bread, butter, some jam, water and a bottle of Jo-juice your girl liked so much”.  
Clarke sputtered, unsure as to why this woman was being so kind. Her anger at her friends faded, instantly replaced with immeasurable guilt, she may not have been responsible for Delilah’s death, but she could not help but feel undeserving of her survival. Here she was, a mass murderer, given yet another chance at life.

Her lips trembled and a sob erupted from her as she placed the tray down on the bar again and averted her eyes from the knowing gaze of the woman standing in front of her.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know! I brought her back! She died alone and afraid and its my fault! I brought her back! I thought I saved her and all I did was bring her back to her death!”  
Blythe Ann watched as the girl wrung her hands and suppressed her sobs even as her eyes watered, and her heart broke for her. The rest of them just stood there, frozen. She lunged across the bar, and brought the now openly weeping blonde into her. It was an awkward position but she did not even register the rim of the bar digging into her abdomen. No one should be in so much pain. 

She gently rocked back and forth until her charge quieted, and Blythe Ann wondered when this girl had become so broken, that she was crushed by such guilt and self-loathing. She wondered at the dazed expressions of the people she thought were close to Clarke, and yet, none of them realized exactly how damaged the woman in her arms had been in the past.  
She frowned at that thought, the blonde had worked ceaselessly to ensure her people would be welcome in sanctum, clearly her devotion was not returned in kind.  
With a sharp gesture of her chin, she indicated the door “Get out. All of you.” They were slow to comply. “Leave. Now. The bar is closed.” Bellamy made as if to go to Clarke, but a glare from the woman holding her had him rethinking that choice. As he and the others left the bar, Clarke clutched the innkeeper’s shirt tighter until the room was blessedly empty. Only then did she soften her hold.

“You saved my girl. You saved her. You went after the Children of Gabriel in the middle of the night, even after the Primes had decided to kick you out. You were stabbed, and you still saved my girl. That is all you are responsible for Clarke. The primes killed my daughter. I killed my daughter when I let them take her to a… to ascend.” Her voice cracked on the last words but she forged on. “Your actions freed my girl from Priya, you freed your mother from Simone. They died, sweet girl, they died and its terrible and awful and I don’t know how to move forward now that my baby girl is gone. But I have to, if only to honor her memory, to live my life so hers wasn’t lost in vain. In time, I know you will do the same. You have Madi, and you do not strike me as the kind of person who would let the memory of Abby Griffin fade.”

She pulled back and gazed at Clarke’s face, eyes red-rimmed, and dark bags hanging, yet she looked stronger, more put together. A glimmer of determination shone through gaze. It wasn’t hope, no, not yet, maybe never again. It was, however, the unwavering conviction of a woman who had been through much, and just now had remembered how strong she really was.

"You really scared your friends"

"I don't care."

"Good, now go sleep, i'll wake you both for diner."

With a grateful nod, Clarke wiped her tears and snot as best she could with her sleeve, and headed back to Madi, tray in hand. She drank some water, and figured the rest could definitely wait. She slipped under the blankets with her snoring daughter and tucked her softly into her front. The brunette nuzzled her nose into Clarke’s chest and slumbered on, content. With a small smile and a muted sigh, Clarke allowed herself to relax her tense frame and melt into the bed. She drifted off into sleep almost immediately, dreaming of fields of berries, of pink dyed hair and the shrieking laughter of one Madi Griffin.  
After all, she knew the most important thing of all, her daughter was alive, and it was magnificent.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think.


End file.
